The perfect partner may not exist as such, but that person capable of awakening and empowering our best version does. A life partner with appropriate qualities and values ​​for you. That person whose differences are nothing more than small unevenness where you can fit your own pieces to form the perfect puzzle.

Physical attraction and love at first sight are two important factors when it comes to finding a partner. It’s hard to deny it. But it is, after all, a beginning where a momentary passion may prevail, intense but fleeting, where stability is rarely found.

Finding the perfect partner and being reciprocated is an aspiration that all of us crave. However, to achieve this, we must first be clear about some fundamental aspects about ourselves. What do you value most in a person? What are your needs? What do you want in your relationship?

The need to know yourself

When it comes to finding the right partner, it is always necessary that we do an exercise in self-knowledge. Valuing our life experience and old shared relationships will make us understand what it is that we most appreciate in a couple.

We must think about what we value, or what we could never accept. Would you accept a jealous person? Are you one of those who value independence and having your own space? Are you an indecisive person and looking for someone to give you security? Or are you perhaps a controlling person who would be a better fit with someone more understanding?

All these are aspects that we must be very clear about.

Sometimes we can see ourselves starting relationships where little by little situations appear where we feel contradicted, or perhaps hurt. It is true that many times the attraction appears without our being able to control it, but it is essential to know what our limits are and how far we are capable of allowing, yielding or accepting.

When we know ourselves we will be able to establish much healthier relationships. We will not seek in the other person what we lack.

Many people believe that in a perfect relationship we must find in the other what we lack to fill an inner emptiness, however, this can lead to attachment and dependence. The healthiest thing is that both people have good self-esteem and are together by their own choice and not by dependency or need.

What qualities does the perfect partner have?

It can be said that there are 10 basic pillars that help consolidate the relationship.

1. Affinity

Sharing values, a lifestyle, a sociocultural level, interests, hobbies and similar tastes is essential to consolidate a long-term relationship. Throughout life, people form a mental map of how we would like our partner to be, usually a person related to ourselves.

2. Communication

Good communication is essential to maintain a stable and effective relationship. It is essential to be able to express our thoughts freely, our needs and feelings, as well as to establish an active listening with the other to be understood.

3. Respect

Respect is undoubtedly one of the essential pillars in a relationship. Regardless of the personality of each one, there are certain minimums of respect that should never be transferred, otherwise the relationship ends up being toxic. This respect always implies not hurting the other or crossing the barriers of individuality. In short, treat the other as you would like to be treated.

4. Trust

Trust in a relationship is vital. This helps us achieve well-being, both individually, with the support of the other, and in the couple. When put into practice, there is a harmony that will reign in the relationship and it will be constant both when the other is present and when they are not.

5. Acceptance

You must accept the other knowing how he is, without pretending to change. To achieve healthy acceptance, we have to be aware of whether it is the other who creates an environment of safety and respect, with a common project. Otherwise, we will not intend to change the other, but neither could the relationship continue.

6. Know how to forgive

Las relaciones pasan por diferentes momentos que no siempre son buenos. Estos momentos pueden aparecer cuando el otro comete un error. Aquí es donde se pone a prueba nuestra capacidad de perdonar y dejar atrás, siempre teniendo claros nuestros límites.

7. Loyalty

Each couple has their rules and based on these there are loyalty codes. This loyalty goes beyond mere fidelity and supposes an environment where the other supports us, even in situations of family, social or professional tension.

8. Commitment

Finding a person who assures us of their commitment to us and to the relationship is essential to feel safe and to trust what we are experiencing. Fidelity, trust, seeing that there is an emotional commitment to us and that we are the center of the other person’s interest and their future projects is essential to feel good and be happy.

9. Empathy

In the sphere of the couple, it is essential that there is empathy on the part of both members. Empathy is what is popularly known as ‘putting yourself in the shoes of the other’, one of the basic competencies of emotional intelligence. It’s about knowing how to listen, understand without judging or invalidating their opinions or feelings, and showing support if necessary. In short, it is about seeing things from your own perspective, not imposing our beliefs and ideas about an event.

10. Passion

Passion is the intense feeling of enjoying with the person you love. It refers to psychophysiological awakening, and includes attraction and interest, impulse and search for pleasure, feeling of belonging, sexual desire and satisfaction. Individual and couple sexuality evolves, and sometimes not towards the same latitudes. You have to understand and accept that sexual desire is not a linear emotion in time. However, if there is communication and you try to innovate, understand, respect and reach a balance, more than satisfactory solutions can be found.

Let our partner teach us and teach us our concerns, our tastes and pleasures … They are the pillars that will establish an efficient and true relationship with which to find that desired stability.

«One can love without being happy; one can be happy without loving; but loving and being happy is something prodigious.»

-Honoré de Balzác-

It is true that the perfect or ideal couple does not exist, we are all people with greatness, but also with defects. But as long as those 10 pillars exist, day by day, we can build that perfect relationship with the right person.